I interviewed several About guides and asked them what advice they would dish out to Homer, Moe and the rest of Springfield. Following are their insightful, and sometimes witty, answers.
Q. Is Homer an alcoholic?
A. Alcoholism Guide Buddy T says, "Homer an alcoholic? Well, we don't have enough evidence to determine if the old boy is a full-blown alcoholic or not, but anyone who would steal his own kid's piggy bank to buy beer and make the statement, "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer" just might have a wee drinking problem!"
"Of course the dead giveaway is Homer hiding his beer in the toilet tank. If his drinking is not a problem, why would he hide it? It would probably serve ol' Homer best to take one of these tests online and decide for himself if he needs help."
If he is an alcoholic, we will surely find out. Since it's a progressive disease it will get worse, along with his behavior. Stay tuned!
Q. How do you rate the performance of the B Sharps?
A. Beatles Guide Robert Fontenot, Jr. says, "The B Sharps? Everybody knows Barney was the real leader of that group. Too
bad Homer was the cute one.
Q. What advice can you give Kirk Van Houten on healing from his divorce?
A. Divorce Support Guide Pat G. says, "Look at the bright side: Divorce means never having to say you're sorry."
Q. What popular drinks would you suggest to Moe to increase his clientele?
A. Cocktails Guide Kathy Hamlin suggest, "How about these? Krustykazi, Toxic Waste, Homer Wallbanger, Bartini, "Moe"hito, Ethel Duff's Cocktail, Smithers & Burns, "Marge"rita, Springfield Sling, "Apu"pulco, D'oh'n Under, Sax on the Beach and the Barney Stone Cocktail. And they could always try "The Simpsons" Drinking Game!
Q. Do you have any cooking tips for housewife Marge?
A. Busy Cooks Guide Lynn Nelson says, "Marge should learn the "Secrets of a Busy Cook" via my Busy Cook's Pyramid. This graphical representation lists the best methods and techniques for saving time in the kitchen. At the base of the pyramid are those that save the most time, those at toward the top are still good methods, but contribute less. Explore the Pyramid for tips, techniques and recipes!"
Q. How could Mr. Plow compete better with the Plow King?
A. Entrepreneurs Guide Judith Kautz suggest, "In starting a business support of friends and family is a critical component. Competing against your best friend is not a good way to get a business off the ground.
Homer's best strategy would be to form a strategic alliance with Barney, working together at developing the snow plow business jointly. A joint venture could be structured so that one handled larger jobs and the other smaller ones, or that they did jobs together to speed them up, or any of a variety of choices that would work best for the type of equipment and business that they have.
They still will need to work on the seasonality of the snow plow business. Perhaps bartering their services during winter for services they could use another time of year would help spread the income flow out over the year.
Q. What are the flaws in the Focusyn theory?
A. ADD Guide Bob Seay says, "People sometimes recognize ADD in comedians and actors, but it also shows up in other people. When Homer hears that Bart is ADD, he says "You mean like John Leguizamo?" He could have just as easily have said "You mean like Albert Einstein?" Read more about Focusyn, Principal Skinner, and the dreaded chalkboard at Bob's ADD site.
