Lois saves Stewie's teddy bear, which leads to a striking change in his attitude toward her---he becomes clingy and totally adoring. Lois tires of this love soon enough. Meanwhile, Peter has a prostate exam and thinks the doctor molested him.
"Mother Tucker"
Phyllis Diller provides the voice of Peter's mother, who shows up and announces that she's leaving his father. Soon she's in bed with Quahog anchorman Tom Tucker, who becomes a father figure to Peter. Meanwhile, Brian begins a serious radio show, but the station manager ropes Stewie into the act, and soon they're shock jocks. Gore Vidal has a voice cameo as himself.
"Hell Comes to Quahog"
Needing money to buy a car, Meg gets a job in Quahog's new big-box store. She does well there and gets promoted. The store does well in Quahog. So well, in fact, that it drives just about every other store in town out of business. Carrie Fisher guest stars as Angela.
"Saving Private Brian"
Brian and Stewie join the Army. Chris wants to as well but Lois won't let him, so he joins a goth-rock band instead and immediately becomes very surly. Guest voices include Louis Gossett Jr. as the drill sergeant and Macaulay Culkin as one of Chris's bandmates.
"Whistle While Your Wife Works"
Peter is unable to work after injuring his hands playing with fireworks, so Lois fills in for him and awakens his workplace sexual fantasies in the process. Meanwhile, Brian is dating a young woman (voice of Drew Barrymore) who's not very smart, and Stewie won't let him hear the end of it. Carrie Fisher returns as the voice of Peter's boss, Angela.
"Prick Up Your Ears"
Lois teaches sex education at James Woods High, but is fired when other parents protest, so Principal Shepherd (voice of Gary Cole) brings in a preacher (voice of David Cross) to rap about abstinence. One student who gets the message is Meg. Another is a boy she meets at the abstinence assembly. Soon, Peter gets the message as well. Meanwhile, Stewie has it in for both the tooth fairy and Brian's dim-witted girlfriend, Jillian (voice of Drew Barrymore).
"Chick Cancer"
After marrying a fading child actress who has returned to her native Quahog, Stewie learns to his dismay what adult relationships are all about. Meanwhile, Lois drags Peter to a chick flick and he gets hooked, even deciding to make one himself. Drew Barrymore guest stars as Jillian.
"Barely Legal"
Meg falls in love with Brian, then becomes obsessive about it after he takes her to a high school dance when no one else will. And Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Mort join the Quahog police after Mayor West (voice of Adam West) sends most of the force to Colombia in search of a character from a movie.
"Road to Rupert"
Brian inadvertently sells Stewie's teddy bear Rupert at a yard sale, prompting a cross-country odyssey to get it back. Peter loses his driver's license after crashing his car doing an Evel Knievel-type stunt. He makes such a pest of himself around the house that Lois enlists Meg to be his chauffeur. Rob Lowe provides the voice of Rupert's buyer, and George Wendt has a cameo as Norm in a fantasy scene set in the Cheers bar.
"Peter's Two Dads"
Peter stops drinking (but starts smoking crack) after accidentally killing his father (voice of Charles Durning) while drinking heavily at Meg's birthday party. But is the dead man really his father? No, his mother (voice of Phyllis Diller) confesses, he isn't. So Peter heads to Ireland to find his real dad. Meanwhile, Stewie develops masochistic tendencies.
"The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou"
After Chris is bullied by a rival paperboy, Peter recalls his own days of being bullied, only to become a bully himself. Meanwhile, Stewie stays out in the sun too long without sunscreen and becomes very enamored of his tan.
"Airport '07"
Quagmire moves in with the Griffins after losing his job because he crash-landed his plane. But Peter is at fault because he wanted his pickup truck to fly, so he siphoned off the jet fuel from Quagmire's plane. Hugh Hefner has a voice cameo as himself.
"Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey"
After Peter hurts himself trying to fix a flat tire on former president Bill Clinton's limousine, an appreciative Clinton sets out to show the depressed Peter a good time. Then Clinton has some fun with Lois as well. Meanwhile, Stewie toilet trains Brian.
"No Meals On Wheels"
The Griffins open a restaurant that with Joe and his handicapped friends love. But Peter wants to attract a different crowd. Meanwhile, Peter buys a pair of pajamas with feet, and discovers that when he rubs his feet against carpet he can create enough static electricity to give people shocks. He's the only Griffin who finds this funny.
"Boys Do Cry"
Lois is hired as church organist, but at the service Stewie becomes ill after drinking too much sacramental wine, and the congregation think he has been possessed by Satan. So the Griffins hightail it out of town with exorcisers in pursuit. Their destination: Texas. Gilbert Gottfried has a cameo as a horse. Drew Barrymore guest stars as Jillian.
"No Chris Left Behind"
After Chris is expelled from public school, he's sent to the same snooty boarding school that Lois' dad attended. Meanwhile, a chicken picks a fight with Peter. (Classic episode!)
"It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One"
Lois decides to challenge Mayor West in the upcoming election when he goes along with an oil company's polluting ways. Keith Olbermann has a voice cameo as an oil exec and Don Most plays himself. Carrie Fisher plays Angela, Peter's boss.
"Meet The Quagmires"
Death (returning Adam Carolla) transports Peter back to 1984 for a night. When he returns, he's married to Molly Ringwald and Lois is married to Quagmire. And that's not all that's different!
