Bart Simpson's Prank Calls to Moe's

Mr. Burns makes a legitimate call to Moe's, but winds up getting the business end of Moe's rant against Bart.

Mr. Burns: "I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Waylan."

Moe: "Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylan, is it? Listen to me, you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!"

"Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!" Lo and behold, there is a Hugh Jass at Moe's and he takes the call.

Fans see the birth of Moe's rage against prank callers when a young Marge calls Homer's summer camp.

Marge: "I'd like to speak to Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar."

Moe: "Hey, don't you try and prank me with a fake name. I will rip out your intestines and use them to make a lanyard! Hello? Hello? Oh, and that's the origin of that."

Moe: "Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?"

Barney: "Maybe your standards are too high!"

Moe (to Bart on the phone): You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!

Bart: "Uh, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie."

Homer (who is in charge while Moe is away): "Oh, Bart, my first prank call! What do I do?"

Bart: "Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger."

Homer: I don't get it.

Bart: "Yell out, 'I'll eat a booger!'"

Homer: "What's the gag?"

Bart: "Oh, forget it."

Jack Bauer's line mistakenly crosses with Bart Simpson's.

Jack Bauer: Chloe, I need those schematics now!

Bart: "Who is this?"

Jack: "I'm Jack Bauer - who the hell are you?"

Bart: "Me? I'm, uh, Ahmed Adoodie (pronounced "I Made a Doodie")"

Jack: "Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoodie. Does anyone there know Ahmed Adoodie?"

Chloe: "Ahmed Adoodie - wealthy Saudi financier. Disappeared into Afghanistan in the late '90s."

Jack: "Really?"

Chloe: "No, Jack, it's a joke name. You're being set up!"

Jack: "Dammit!"

Bart calls a bar in Sydney named Crocodile Drunkee's.

Bartender: "I got a Drew P. Wiener here. Anyone expecting a Drew P. Wiener? I hold in my hand a Drew P. Wiener!"

Patron: "Better put it down then, mate!"

Fat Tony: "Yuri Nater? Yuri Nater? Hey, my mouth is begging for a Yuri Nater!"

Barney: "Be careful what you wish for!"

Fat Tony: "Why, you-- I'm gonna chop you into little pieces and make you into a Rubik's cube, which I will never solve!"