No Flipping Required
by Bob Devine, Riverton, UT
One of those big bags of charcoal
Two or three cans of lighter fluid
Beer
Oh yeah, a match
Carefully stack the charcoal into an interesting shape. I try for a pile. Sample the beer. Squirt the lighter fluid over the first layer of charcoal. Sample the second can of beer. Squirt the lighter fluid over the first layer of charcoal. Sample the third can of beer. When the lighter fluid is gone, strike the match. Apply lotion to face and comb hair to hide the singed spots. Hold next can of beer to face for a "Martha Stewart" type of cooling compress.
Two pounds of hamburger BBQ sauce beer
Shape hamburger into a delightful shape. Try for a 'sport' motif with a football shaped burger! Because grilling is hot and thirsty work, sample the next beer. By the way, now is a good time to bring out the next six-pack. If any of your guests are looking at your tell them they should have brought some of their own damn beer! Put the meat over the heat. When the flames subside, slather the burger with a delightful mixture of BBQ sauce and beer. To test the BBQ sauce, take a taste and then wash it down with some beer. While the burger is cooking, it would be a wonderful time for a beer break.
When you wake from your snooze, you might need to, as the profession chefs say, "flip" the burger. While many cookbooks recommend this practice, if you drink enough beer, you won't need to do this. Remain comfortable.
After a few more beers, if the grill is too far a walk for you, you can finish off the rest of the BBQ sauce. Be sure to wash it down with whatever beer remains!
Bon Appetit!
- More about Homer.
- Homer's Top Ten Favorite Foods.
