Homer - "Oh, my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids. Eat them!"
Love is... offering a little sympathy.
Mrs. Bouvier - "I'd say something comforting, but you know... my voice..."
Love is... being neighborly.
Homer - "You've been rubbing my nose in it since I got here! Your family is better than my family. Your beer comes from farther away than my beer. You and your son like each other. Your wife's butt is higher than my wife's butt! You make me sick!"
Love is... driving in the country with the family.
Grampa - "Are we there yet?" Homer - "No." Grampa - "Are we there yet?" Homer - "No." Grampa - "Are we there yet?" Homer - "No." Grampa - "Are we there, yet?" Homer - "No." Grampa - "Where are we going?
Love is... knowing when to administer a parent's loving discipline.
Mr. Burns - "I should've known. You're the only one stupid enough to kidnap you. Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble!"
Love is... watching cartoons together.
Marge - "What kind of warped human being would find THAT funny?" Homer - "Heh heh heh."
Love is... flirting with your employees.
Mr. Burns - "You don't have to SUE me to get my pants off. Purrrrrooowl!"
Love is... sending each other cryptic messages.
Skinner - "Dear Edna, I want to 'Seymour' ('see more') of you!"
Love is... never forsaking your friend.
Milhouse - " '...Where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds?' Bart did it! That Bart, right there!"
Love is... having a strong man about the house.
Homer - "Marge! There's a spider near my car key."
Love is... saying sorry like you mean it.
Smithers - "I know you're mad at me. But I think it's only fair to warn you I'm going to stand outside the gate until you forgive me."
Love is... knowing when to forgive and forget.
Homer - "You have a gambling problem." Marge - "That's true. Will you forgive me?" Homer - "Sure. Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears? Well, that's nothing because you have a gambling problem. And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he was dressed like Santa Claus? Well, you have a gambling problem!"
Love is... carnal lust in cramped places.
Ralph - "Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."
Love is... being strong when you're apart.
Marge - "What happened here?" Homer - "Oh, nothing, Marge. Just a little incident involving the Boogie Man. Of course, none of this would've happened if you'd been here to keep me from acting stupid."
Love is... proving your worth.
Homer - "Wait, that's it! I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and utter dependence!"
Love is... revealing your true feelings.
Smithers - "Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just like to say that, uh, I... love you." Mr. Burns - "Hmm?" Smithers - "In those colors!"
Finally, love is... always telling the truth.
Groundskeeper Willie - "If elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the whole lot of ya, and burn yer town to cinders!"